Carousel Volume 2 #1/carousel.iso/mactosh/hc/fortunec.sit/Fortunes & advice

Text File | 1987-09-04 | 5KB | 146 lines

@
A chubby man in a red suit and a white beard will approach you soon. Avoid him. He's a commie.
@
Afternoon very favorable for romance.
Try a single person for a change.
@
Be free and breezy! Enjoy!
Things won't get any better, so get used to it.
@
Do not drink coffee in early AM.  It will keep you awake until noon.
@
Don╒t get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
@
Don╒t hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
@
Fine day to throw a party.  Throw him as far as you can.
@
Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
@
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
@
Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
@
He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks.
    - Chinese Proverb
@
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
@
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
@
Only the brave deserve the fair, but only rich,
fat, cowardly merchants can afford same.
    - Chinese Proverb
@
Show respect for age. Drink a good scotch for a change.
@
Spend extra time on hobby.  Get plenty of rolling papers.
@
Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
@
Take everything in stride.  Trample anyone who gets in your way.
@
Think big.  Pollute the Mississippi.
@
This will be a memorable month, no matter how hard you try to forget it.
@
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
@
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
@
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You╒ll learn a lot today.
@
You look like a million dollars.  All green and wrinkled.
@
You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
@
You will be recognized soon. Hide.
@
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
@
You analyst has you mixed up with another patient.
Don't believe a word he says.
@
Your lucky color has faded.
@
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
@
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
        You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
        followed by the CIA or FBI.  You have minor influence over
        your associates and people resent your flaunting of your power.
        You lack confidence and you are generally a coward.  Pisces
        people do terrible things to small animals.
@
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
        You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.
        You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You
        are not very nice.
@
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
        You are practical and persistent.  You have a dogged
        determination and work like hell.  Most people think you are
        stubborn and bull headed.  You are a Communist.
@
GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
        Good news and bad news highlighted.  Enjoy the good news
        while you can; the bad news will make you forget it.  You will
        enjoy praise and respect from those around you; everybody
        loves a sucker.  A short trip is in the stars, possibly to the
        men╒s room.
@
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
        You are sympathetic and understanding to other people╒s
        problems.  They think you are a sucker.  You are always
        putting things off.  That╒s why you╒ll never make anything of
        yourself.  Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.
@
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
        You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are
        pushy.  Most Leo people are bullies.  You are vain and dislike
        honest criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people are
        thieves.
@
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
        You are the logical type and hate disorder.  This nitpicking is
        sickening to your friends.  You are cold and unemotional and
        sometimes fall asleep while making love.  Virgos make good
        bus drivers.
@
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
        Learn something new today, like how to spell or how to count
        to ten without using your fingers.  Be careful dressing this
        morning.  You may be hit by a car later in the day and you
        wouldn╒t want to be taken to the doctor╒s office in some of that
        old underwear you own.
@
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
        You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality.
        If you are a man, you are more than likely gay.  Chances for
        employment and monetary gains are excellent.  Most Libra
        women are prostitutes.  All Libra people die of venereal
        disease.
@
LIBRA (Sep. 23 to Oct. 22)
        Your desire for justice and truth will be overshadowed by your
        desire for filthy lucre and a decent meal.  Be gracious and
        polite.  Someone is watching you, so stop staring like that.
@
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
        You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You will
        achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
        ethics.  Most Scorpio people are murdered.
@
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
        You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless
        tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.  The majority
        of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both.  People
        laugh at you a great deal.
@
CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
        You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don╒t do
        much of anything and are lazy.  There has never been a
        Capricorn of any importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing
        still for too long as they take root and become trees.
@